Self Doubt
by Kamen Rider Chrome
Summary: A week since his return, Ryuji is happy with Kotonoha, but he's having doubts. He feels that he's a monster, freak, and not good enough for her. What would it take for him to think otherwise? KotonohaXOC


**Self Doubt**

"Does she really love me or am I just a rebound guy?" Ryuji asked himself as he sat on a bench, staring down at the cell phone in his hand. On the screen was a picture of him and Kotonoha.

It'd been a week since his return and so far things have been going well for him and Kotonoha. However, deep down, he was having doubts about their relationship. She knew about his secret.

He was a monster, an Orphenoch to be exact. He wasn't human, never was and never will be.

"I know she accepts me, but does she accept only one half of me, the nonexistant human half, or everything about me?" He clutched the phone tightly. "Damn it, what's wrong with me? I got a girlfriend now so what's wrong?"

He then realised what it was. He let out a humourless laugh. "Of course…she doesn't know about my past. She doesn't know everything about me from way back when." He looked to his other hand and imagined the blood that was on it. "I'm a monster, a freak and a killer. No way can she love someone like me."

"That's where you're wrong, kohai."

Without looking up, Ryuji answered, "Warren. What is it this time? If it's a mission then I'm in no mood."

"Look, it doesn't take a genius to see you're depressed and as a friend I should help," said Warren.

"Help? How?"

"Well, I know and understand what you're going through. You know of my past."

"True, I do, and I probably couldn't handle something like that. Of course, this is my problem and I'm dealing with it."

"Are you?"

Ryuji didn't answer.

Warren continued, "You're keeping your feelings to yourself. If you just talk to someone then maybe they could help."

Ryuji remarked, "Help? How? Warren, unlike you I wasn't born. I was created from someone's subconscious! I'm the collection of negative emotions given sentience! In a way I am a real monster!"

"No, you're not. Monsters don't feel guilt," Warren denied.

"Well, it doesn't change the fact that I've done horrible things," said Ryuji. "If Koto-chan knew she'd hate me."

"No, I won't."

Ryuji looked up in shock to see Warren move to the side and reveal Kotonoha. She'd been hiding behind Warren the whole time and Ryuji hadn't realised her presence.

"Koto-chan…?"

"Ryuji-kun, I could never hate you," she said with tears forming in the corner of her eyes.

"You don't know that. Once you find out about the things I've done-"

She interrupted, "Yes, the things you've _done_, as in past tense."

"I'll leave you two kids alone," said Warren as he walked away, his job done. Kotonoha took a seat next to Ryuji.

"Are you cold?" she asked.

"No," he denied but she still wrapped a scarf around his neck nonetheless.

"I know you can stand the cold, but you need to take care of yourself too," she told him.

"Arigatou."

"So, you've been having doubts about us," stated Kotonoha.

"How much did you hear?" he asked.

"Enough to say this." She took his hand in hers, "Ryuji-kun, you're no monster."

"You don't know that for sure," he told her.

"What I do know is that you're someone with a painful past who seeks redemption. True monsters don't care about redemption. Even if you've done unforgivable things in the past, I could never stop loving you."

"Koto-chan…"

"Even if you try to appear and sound tough, I know that deep down you have a good heart. Why else would you risk your life and secret for me?"

His gaze turned away from her. "Koto-chan, I have many secrets. The ones you know are only the tip of the iceberg."

"Maybe, but what I do know is Ryuji Hasuma is my boyfriend, a Kamen Rider and a hero," she told him.

"But…my past…"

"You'll tell me when you're ready. I won't force you to tell me your secrets. I'm just a little disappointed because you don't seem to trust me."

"It's not that, it's just…I'm scared."

She tightened her hold on his hands. "You don't have to be, Ryuji-kun. You're not alone anymore." She added, softly, "Let me take away all the bad memories…"

"Koto-" He was interrupted by a soft, yet passionate kiss. He closed his eyes and kissed back, deepening the kiss. She then pulled away before pulling him into an embrace.

"How can you love me? You have no idea of the sins I've committed," he told her.

"I don't care about the past. I just want to be with you now in the present and in the future. When you're ready, you can tell me."

"You may not like what you hear."

"It won't change how I feel for you."

'_You can say that now…but when I tell you, what then?_'

* * *

Kotonoha knew that her boyfriend was hurting and she needed to do something about it. He believed that he was a monster and she was going to prove him otherwise. She was planning the night for them. She wanted him to have so much fun he would forget that he was depressed about his origins. She would make him feel so loved and appreciated he wouldn't have any other thoughts except what they were doing. If she had to get a little physical and intimate with her efforts…well, it would be well worth it for the both of them.


End file.
